"It feels good to let your heart show."
So says this analysis of the Canadian Olympic sporting experience. It's a good misty-eyed video of Canadian pride and nationalism, with a bit of navel-gazing, to boot. ... so, truly Canadian, I guess?
28 February, 2010
27 February, 2010
A golden Olympics for Canada?
On the eve of the last day of the Vancouver 2010 Olympics, it seems to me that Canada has both met and failed at its own expectations. The Canadian Olympic Own the Podium (OTP) approach to achieving best-ever Olympic results did not live up to the initial demands of, what, 34 medals? Are you kidding? For a nation of a scant ~30 million (given the landmass), our current 25 is a phenomenal achievement. It is something we should be proud of, and never ashamed of. The Canadian public has been witness to some formidable performances, inspiring in their bravery (e.g. Joannie Rochette), their determination (e.g. the Kevin Martin curling rink's gold or bust approach), and their outright enthusiasm (e.g. Jon Montgomery's surprise Skeleton gold and fantastic post-win victory walk through Whistler). But we were also witness to anger (Pierre Leuders' frustration at the crashes and heavy snow on the bobsled track, though he was happy with a 5th place finish), more frustration (from Denny Morrison and some of his fellow speed skaters who were locked out of the medals until tonight), and the heart-wrenching sadness displayed by those who felt like they'd let their country down (e.g. Mellisa Hollingsworth's tearful apology to the entire nation); or worse, the let-down the Canadian Olympic Committee gave to our most phenomenal chance at breaking the disability barrier, and encouraging even more young people to take up sport (Brian McKeever, the legally blind cross-country skier will not be in the 50 km men's mass start Sunday morning).
Now, I don't know if our country should be apologist about this sort of stuff, or wave our maple leaf flag proudly. It's a mixed bag. It has been a mixed bag since Vancouver first decided to put in a bid for the games. There are still contentious land claim issues in the areas surrounding Vancouver, and it took a lot of appeasement to get the native communities on board with the Sea-to-Sky highway construction, and the various other development projects required for the games to run without a hitch in the Whistler area. There are a lot of housing issues in Vancouver, and a lot of denial about the marginalised populations found within the city. The red tent city that was put up for the games only roughly masked the issue, while the rest of us all pretend there weren't one-way bus tickets purchased for a number of people (or that the rest of Canada hasn't purchased one-way to Vancouver bus tickets for a number of people either). The green-washing campaign is a mild success (as it was, I'm sure, in Lillehammer (who builds Olympic venues next to bird sanctuaries, really?)), but there will likely be odd ramifications as a result of it. Sure the Skytrain was expanded, but a 2.5 hour drive from Vancouver to Whistler (not to mention traffic jams) is hardly eco-friendly.
The successes, though? An overall peaceful games; no violence has broken out (knock on wood, one day to go). Ample back-up and contingency plans made sure things followed through no matter what the problem (be it a broken ice resurfacing machine, or some glitchy hydraulics, or very unfortunate weather patterns). And, if luck has it, the Canadians in the crowd might actually come away with a better sense of themselves, despite the foreign press sniping from Great Britain and Russia, both of whom, surprisingly enough, are set to host upcoming games. Our Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, apparently had to make a special request in Parliament that Canadians be more blatantly patriotic during these games, waving the flag a little more, donning some red and white and getting out there to cheer on our nation (so says Tom Brokaw at least).
As someone who was in pre-games Vancouver (November), it was clear that big things were afoot, but just how big, it was hard to tell. I would never have anticipated the spectacle and the splendour that's been on display, and it is heartening to think that such a great product could have been made in Canada. Hopefully we'll be able to take this and roll with it. The debt will also be rolling with us (to the tune of what, $2 billion?), so why not the guts and glory as well? The teamwork, whether from the construction crews, or the nation-wide RCMP force that was cobbled together for ceremonial and enforcement detail (gotta love the red serge) has been simply phenomenal. If nothing else, I hope there's some glue left over from the games, and that it might just make us all stick together better, and choose to work on our problems and issues in more collaborative ways than playing the divisive blame game. The evidence is there: our athletes got together in ways we would never have expected, coming out to cheer each other on, and reporting on each other's results while in the midst of their own games; if they can support each other, why can't our whole country join together and do the same? And why can't it be about more than just sport? We strive for excellence in sport, and we can hold on to our athletes (or shame them when they leave, like the now Australian ski Olympian), but our brain drain problem is still prevalent.
Canada has a long way to go. Let's hope these Olympics are a sign of better things to come in the future, be they proper solutions to housing and homelessness, or respectful resolution of land claim and Native Peoples' rights (and access to education and clean drinking water etc.), or to solving national issues of promoting and supporting our home-grown talents as athletes, as actors, as artists and as all workers. Perhaps, hopefully, we'll start to recognise that "made in Canada" can be world-class and that striving to own the podium should be expanded to something broader and more far-reaching (and maybe more inclusive). The overall standings suggest that Canada has one of the highest levels of top ten performances of any nation at the Olympics. THAT in and of itself is and should always be a source of pride for our athletes. THAT should be what we strive towards as a nation, whether in the arena of sports performance, or in, say, medical practice. We may be an enormous slice of land with a scattering of people, outnumbered by the U.S. state of California, but we should always remember that we can band together and work towards common goals, and that it isn't bad to root for the home team.
Now, I don't know if our country should be apologist about this sort of stuff, or wave our maple leaf flag proudly. It's a mixed bag. It has been a mixed bag since Vancouver first decided to put in a bid for the games. There are still contentious land claim issues in the areas surrounding Vancouver, and it took a lot of appeasement to get the native communities on board with the Sea-to-Sky highway construction, and the various other development projects required for the games to run without a hitch in the Whistler area. There are a lot of housing issues in Vancouver, and a lot of denial about the marginalised populations found within the city. The red tent city that was put up for the games only roughly masked the issue, while the rest of us all pretend there weren't one-way bus tickets purchased for a number of people (or that the rest of Canada hasn't purchased one-way to Vancouver bus tickets for a number of people either). The green-washing campaign is a mild success (as it was, I'm sure, in Lillehammer (who builds Olympic venues next to bird sanctuaries, really?)), but there will likely be odd ramifications as a result of it. Sure the Skytrain was expanded, but a 2.5 hour drive from Vancouver to Whistler (not to mention traffic jams) is hardly eco-friendly.
The successes, though? An overall peaceful games; no violence has broken out (knock on wood, one day to go). Ample back-up and contingency plans made sure things followed through no matter what the problem (be it a broken ice resurfacing machine, or some glitchy hydraulics, or very unfortunate weather patterns). And, if luck has it, the Canadians in the crowd might actually come away with a better sense of themselves, despite the foreign press sniping from Great Britain and Russia, both of whom, surprisingly enough, are set to host upcoming games. Our Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, apparently had to make a special request in Parliament that Canadians be more blatantly patriotic during these games, waving the flag a little more, donning some red and white and getting out there to cheer on our nation (so says Tom Brokaw at least).
As someone who was in pre-games Vancouver (November), it was clear that big things were afoot, but just how big, it was hard to tell. I would never have anticipated the spectacle and the splendour that's been on display, and it is heartening to think that such a great product could have been made in Canada. Hopefully we'll be able to take this and roll with it. The debt will also be rolling with us (to the tune of what, $2 billion?), so why not the guts and glory as well? The teamwork, whether from the construction crews, or the nation-wide RCMP force that was cobbled together for ceremonial and enforcement detail (gotta love the red serge) has been simply phenomenal. If nothing else, I hope there's some glue left over from the games, and that it might just make us all stick together better, and choose to work on our problems and issues in more collaborative ways than playing the divisive blame game. The evidence is there: our athletes got together in ways we would never have expected, coming out to cheer each other on, and reporting on each other's results while in the midst of their own games; if they can support each other, why can't our whole country join together and do the same? And why can't it be about more than just sport? We strive for excellence in sport, and we can hold on to our athletes (or shame them when they leave, like the now Australian ski Olympian), but our brain drain problem is still prevalent.
Canada has a long way to go. Let's hope these Olympics are a sign of better things to come in the future, be they proper solutions to housing and homelessness, or respectful resolution of land claim and Native Peoples' rights (and access to education and clean drinking water etc.), or to solving national issues of promoting and supporting our home-grown talents as athletes, as actors, as artists and as all workers. Perhaps, hopefully, we'll start to recognise that "made in Canada" can be world-class and that striving to own the podium should be expanded to something broader and more far-reaching (and maybe more inclusive). The overall standings suggest that Canada has one of the highest levels of top ten performances of any nation at the Olympics. THAT in and of itself is and should always be a source of pride for our athletes. THAT should be what we strive towards as a nation, whether in the arena of sports performance, or in, say, medical practice. We may be an enormous slice of land with a scattering of people, outnumbered by the U.S. state of California, but we should always remember that we can band together and work towards common goals, and that it isn't bad to root for the home team.
24 February, 2010
Rough Go
Wow, I'm having a rough time of things lately. I have two jobs... and I have no money. I know I've developed a bit of a spending habit lately, but it's not outlandish (e.g. a magazine here and there, some new cosmetics, and yarn). The real problem is that I'm not getting any money in. I have been completely left out in the cold by my one employer. I never would have suspected the government to be so completely bungling about such things as meeting deadlines. Yes, I realise I SHOULD know there would be bureaucratic delays, but a 4 week delay for a 1 week turn around is unacceptable and incredibly unprofessional. As a result of the delay (and my resultant lack of inspiration to continue, and very real need for money NOW), I have landed myself another short-term job that works on a wage-basis and will thus give me a salary every two weeks... after I've worked for them enough to get back into the system. And the original project languishes as a result. I NEED to get the job done. It would be so great to get paid for my work, but I don't even feel like it's possible any more, and I still have a month left to get things done.
Everything feels so incredibly hopeless. I might as well be jobless, despite my constant working. My roommates treat me like I am jobless, and well, why not? I don't have any money, my debt is growing higher and higher, and I will not be able to pay my rent on time this month. February, of all months... the shortest one of the year, the one with so much hope for gold for Canada, and so much sunshine and glorious warmth here... it's all but empty and hollow for me, personally. Yes, I mostly have my health (though I'm fearing a potential return of bronchitis - third time's a charm maybe?), my wits, and an ability to work, but these contracts both end at the end of March and I will be left with a whole lot of nothing. Hopefully I'll be able to pay off my debt and cut up my credit card or something... probably just lock it in a box somewhere. But that's all just short-term. What I really need is a JOB. A real, live, tangible job that runs 9-5, and lasts more than three months in duration. I feel like I'm wallowing in self-pity, but I don't know what else to do. I will find something to do (i.e. a job somewhere, anything) if I can't find real work, but that doesn't solve my problems, that just lets me feed, clothe and house myself. Sure that's important. Right now it's top priority, but I really, REALLY want to feel engaged in my work and my life. I'm tired of feeling like I would rather just tune the whole thing out.
Oh, how I would kill to have a good job. And yet every time I go looking, I feel grossly inadequate. And that scares me. Here I sit, with two degrees and a decent amount of experience under my belt and I can't manage to find a $45000/year job that I qualify for. ... or that I qualify enough that it feels like I have a chance to actually get in on applications... ugh.
This was supposed to be my "free" year. I started a word of the year worksheet via Christine Kane, and the word I came up with was "free". It seems apt. 2009 was a year of finishing things and starting anew, of holding on to what I'd built for so long, of not letting go when I should have, of getting stuck in ruts, and feeling trapped at times. It was a good year all in all, and it opened my eyes a lot, but there were certainly times where I wish I'd been able to cut loose from everything and float off. So perhaps 2010 as a "free" year is a reaction a bit too far over from 2009, but we shall see. That's what these sorts of things are supposed to be like, right? Free. Free from debt, from fear of failing, from undue expectation, from frustration, disappointment...
Freedom comes in so many different ways. I'm not really sure I know what's going to happen this year, but I really want to cut away from all the raw disappointment I'm feeling lately, all the suffocating anger and frustration and resentment. I want to take a fresh breath of air on every morning and think about how I am free to decide how the day goes, how it will help me reach towards my goals and how I don't have to do things just because other people (or me, myself) expect me to, but because I should want to do them. And hey, maybe I'll even manage to free myself of some old constraints, misgivings, hesitations and encumbrances. ... and hopefully some of the extra stuff I've been hauling around but never use.
Everything feels so incredibly hopeless. I might as well be jobless, despite my constant working. My roommates treat me like I am jobless, and well, why not? I don't have any money, my debt is growing higher and higher, and I will not be able to pay my rent on time this month. February, of all months... the shortest one of the year, the one with so much hope for gold for Canada, and so much sunshine and glorious warmth here... it's all but empty and hollow for me, personally. Yes, I mostly have my health (though I'm fearing a potential return of bronchitis - third time's a charm maybe?), my wits, and an ability to work, but these contracts both end at the end of March and I will be left with a whole lot of nothing. Hopefully I'll be able to pay off my debt and cut up my credit card or something... probably just lock it in a box somewhere. But that's all just short-term. What I really need is a JOB. A real, live, tangible job that runs 9-5, and lasts more than three months in duration. I feel like I'm wallowing in self-pity, but I don't know what else to do. I will find something to do (i.e. a job somewhere, anything) if I can't find real work, but that doesn't solve my problems, that just lets me feed, clothe and house myself. Sure that's important. Right now it's top priority, but I really, REALLY want to feel engaged in my work and my life. I'm tired of feeling like I would rather just tune the whole thing out.
Oh, how I would kill to have a good job. And yet every time I go looking, I feel grossly inadequate. And that scares me. Here I sit, with two degrees and a decent amount of experience under my belt and I can't manage to find a $45000/year job that I qualify for. ... or that I qualify enough that it feels like I have a chance to actually get in on applications... ugh.
This was supposed to be my "free" year. I started a word of the year worksheet via Christine Kane, and the word I came up with was "free". It seems apt. 2009 was a year of finishing things and starting anew, of holding on to what I'd built for so long, of not letting go when I should have, of getting stuck in ruts, and feeling trapped at times. It was a good year all in all, and it opened my eyes a lot, but there were certainly times where I wish I'd been able to cut loose from everything and float off. So perhaps 2010 as a "free" year is a reaction a bit too far over from 2009, but we shall see. That's what these sorts of things are supposed to be like, right? Free. Free from debt, from fear of failing, from undue expectation, from frustration, disappointment...
Freedom comes in so many different ways. I'm not really sure I know what's going to happen this year, but I really want to cut away from all the raw disappointment I'm feeling lately, all the suffocating anger and frustration and resentment. I want to take a fresh breath of air on every morning and think about how I am free to decide how the day goes, how it will help me reach towards my goals and how I don't have to do things just because other people (or me, myself) expect me to, but because I should want to do them. And hey, maybe I'll even manage to free myself of some old constraints, misgivings, hesitations and encumbrances. ... and hopefully some of the extra stuff I've been hauling around but never use.
18 February, 2010
Olympic Fever
Forget work... or well, forget serious work. I have found myself a temporary part-time job for 30 hours a week so that I can pay rent while working on my other "more serious" contract job that hasn't paid out yet. ... yay. The perks are thus: I get to work with real, live human beings who I enjoy talking to, I get to work outside of my house and my bedroom (yay!), I get to talk with a boss who actually likes and respects me instead of trading e-mails with one who couldn't care less about me, AND I get a paycheque. Oh, the real perk right now is that I'm working in the lab, which means the radio is on, and I get to hear about Canada's Olympic progress.
Seriously, who's concentrating on work all the time right now anyway? The Olympics are on during work hours EVERY DAY, and these are athletes that, in some cases, curl at the local curling rink (SERIOUSLY!!! GO TEAM MARTIN!!!), or that went to the same highschool (as is the case with my roommate), so who's working 110% right now besides all our athletes? My workplace went so far as to provide a link to the federal government OTV (Olympic TV) website where we can watch streaming video on our lunch and coffee breaks without sucking up excessive bandwidth. Mostly, because I don't have a television myself, I've been watching streaming feed from the internet (the Canadian primary broadcaster) where I can see all the curling events and other highlights from the day. It's a great way to nod off before bed, AND I get to learn more curling strategy. Yes, curling, I'm a convert. My Dad took me to a game during the Canadian Olympic qualifications, and I've been playing in a rookie league for the past year. It's so fun, and challenging. I like how it's both a mental and physical game and hasn't become the emotional drain softball was when I was a kid playing in the city championships...
Plus I get to watch the hometown heroes.
Team Martin plays at the curling rink attached to my university, and also the one I've been taking all my curling lessons at. I know I've seen them play, but I really wasn't paying attention. It's hard to really see what's going on (particularly at the beginning, when I didn't understand the game all that well) without having an overhead view like the TV provides. But they're from our rink, and they're in the Olympics, and they're chock-full of talent. The lead and second are spot on with their shots and sweeping, and the third is also a skip so there's twice the strategy working in the team's favour, though, really, Kevin Martin is such a whiz... it's like he's the chess computer, Deep Blue playing against everyone else. ... or maybe he's Garry Kasparov... either way, phenomenal.
No matter what, it's been so entertaining, and engaging to cheer on all the red and white and maple-leaf-clad athletes representing Canada in our neck o' the woods. ... despite the wonky weather and the malfunctioning doobie-looking Olympic torch, I think Vancouver is doing a bang-up job of the event. ... even if I'm getting a really bizarre view of the games this year: government-sanctioned tv feeds with minimal commentator presence during the day, schmaltzy radio shows, video recaps and internet updates are the only ways I've seen anything Olympic-ish as of yet. I'm thinking of stealing some couch space at my parents' place on the weekend, just to get a more conventional view of things!
Anyway, back to live, streaming Can vs Sui men's hockey!
Seriously, who's concentrating on work all the time right now anyway? The Olympics are on during work hours EVERY DAY, and these are athletes that, in some cases, curl at the local curling rink (SERIOUSLY!!! GO TEAM MARTIN!!!), or that went to the same highschool (as is the case with my roommate), so who's working 110% right now besides all our athletes? My workplace went so far as to provide a link to the federal government OTV (Olympic TV) website where we can watch streaming video on our lunch and coffee breaks without sucking up excessive bandwidth. Mostly, because I don't have a television myself, I've been watching streaming feed from the internet (the Canadian primary broadcaster) where I can see all the curling events and other highlights from the day. It's a great way to nod off before bed, AND I get to learn more curling strategy. Yes, curling, I'm a convert. My Dad took me to a game during the Canadian Olympic qualifications, and I've been playing in a rookie league for the past year. It's so fun, and challenging. I like how it's both a mental and physical game and hasn't become the emotional drain softball was when I was a kid playing in the city championships...
Plus I get to watch the hometown heroes.
Team Martin plays at the curling rink attached to my university, and also the one I've been taking all my curling lessons at. I know I've seen them play, but I really wasn't paying attention. It's hard to really see what's going on (particularly at the beginning, when I didn't understand the game all that well) without having an overhead view like the TV provides. But they're from our rink, and they're in the Olympics, and they're chock-full of talent. The lead and second are spot on with their shots and sweeping, and the third is also a skip so there's twice the strategy working in the team's favour, though, really, Kevin Martin is such a whiz... it's like he's the chess computer, Deep Blue playing against everyone else. ... or maybe he's Garry Kasparov... either way, phenomenal.
No matter what, it's been so entertaining, and engaging to cheer on all the red and white and maple-leaf-clad athletes representing Canada in our neck o' the woods. ... despite the wonky weather and the malfunctioning doobie-looking Olympic torch, I think Vancouver is doing a bang-up job of the event. ... even if I'm getting a really bizarre view of the games this year: government-sanctioned tv feeds with minimal commentator presence during the day, schmaltzy radio shows, video recaps and internet updates are the only ways I've seen anything Olympic-ish as of yet. I'm thinking of stealing some couch space at my parents' place on the weekend, just to get a more conventional view of things!
Anyway, back to live, streaming Can vs Sui men's hockey!
22 January, 2010
A recap of 2009
I know, I know, we're three weeks in, but it's still January, so I can get away with this. I think this year might very well (or at least the first couple months, we'll see how long the trend lasts!) be a year of renewal, reflection and reworking. ... with hopefully a fair few more blog posts than 2009.
Anyway, a list, 'cause I like lists. A list to recap 2009:
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Resigned from a job because of allergies, got dumped and wasn’t sad about it, acted as a witness for insurance purposes.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any resolutions last year. This year, I don’t really want to call them resolutions ‘cause those are made to be broken. I’m kind-of hoping to call them life goals since I want them (increased activity, healthier lifestyle) to last for much more than just one year, or 3 weeks or whatever it is...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don’t think so. 2009 was not a year of baby-birthing for my friends. 2010 will be, though.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
That was 2006, and enough people passed away that I’m hoping no one else needs to go for quite some time.
5. What countries did you visit?
Just the USA, and only for a week.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money saved up. A stable form of employment that lasts more than a few months... hey, maybe even one that extends beyond one fiscal year? Please? Space for myself.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The 30th of January – the day I submitted my thesis to the Faculty of Graduate Studies and Research, and therefore officially completed all obligations towards my MSc. (academic or otherwise). The 19th of September – my best friend’s wedding day.
8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
Defending my thesis and standing up for myself versus my supervisors at their discourteous worst. Landing contracts (twice) to work on federal research papers for national publication.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Underestimating myself and failing to sell my talents as a result.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Bronchitis, twice. And enough resulting bacterial infections from the way antibiotics mess up the entire body that I was essentially under the weather for about half the year.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A green purse and wallet, a solo train ticket to Vancouver and back, and a pass for the Folk Festival.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
One of my good friends who is going through a divorce.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My now ex, and another friend of mine who has since gotten married. Though they did not behave in appalling or depressing ways together, they both individually left me appalled and depressed.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Vacations and supporting me while unemployed.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Folkfest, which delivered, as always; seeing my cousin at Christmas, which turned into a dud ‘cause the USA wouldn’t let him leave; riding the train, which was wonderful, but maybe not worth all the hype.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I can’t think of anything.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder?: both
ii. thinner or fatter? Hmm... let’s see... I blame the sedentary office work and high-fat/sugar snacks and beverages I consumed. ... as well as my lack of willpower.
iii. richer or poorer? I am no better or worse off, financially, from where I was last January, oddly enough. (which is lame, I would have hoped that a year of working would leave me with a few pennies to my name instead of the sweet nothing I have)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Meeting new people. Organising my life. Applying for jobs. Saving money. Spending time with friends. Knitting.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Feeling guilty. Dwelling on things. Prolonging relationships that weren’t going to make it. Eating crap food. Getting sick.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family and friends, eating way too much and laughing a lot.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Nope.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
True Blood and Being Erica; I obsessed about the first, but found the second to be more rewarding to watch.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I try my best not to hate, but I do despise a number of politicians in ways I didn’t before.
24. What was the best book you read?
American Gods by Neil Gaiman, I’m pretty sure I read it in 2009. If not that, then one of the myriad Paulo Coelho books I read (like By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept).
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
2009 was the year of minimal music purchase. Folk Fest finds: Jill Barber, Slaid Cleaves, Arrested Development (seriously), Ben Sures, Fred Eaglesmith and Chuck Brodsky (listen to Letters in the Dirt – amazing).
26. What did you want and get?
Some really cool travel memories, a train ride through the rockies, a pair of Fluevog shoes, and some lovely new friends.
27. What did you want and not get?
A place of my own and the job to pay for it.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Up was fantastic, though Moon was so stark it’ll never escape my memory and The Brothers Bloom had plot twists and whimsy beyond expectation.
29. What did you do on your birthday?
I got my hair cut by my cousin’s girlfriend who shares my birthday and gave her flowers and earrings. For supper, I went to DaDeO, a local Cajun restaurant with my roomies and a couple friends... it was pretty low-key since I was still dealing with bronchitis.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A job I liked that lasted more than three months and paid well. ... or a relationship built on mutual respect, trust and understanding. Ta-da!
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Uh... finding clothes that accommodated my changing physique (from weight loss to gain to loss to gain to hopefully loss again) and that are colourful and slightly more, I dunno, respectable and formal than your average logo t-shirt.
32. What kept you sane?
My friends and family, the outdoors.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Halloo... John Morris, the curler, only in December, though. Earlier in the year, I’d have to say Gerard Butler, who was replaced by Vampire Bill from True Blood (though Stephen Moyer isn’t really what I’m looking for, somehow his vampire persona just, well, worked for me).
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Bloody stupid governmental inaction (and denial despite all the funding and research they give to climate change reduction initiatives) on climate change, and the related (and inane) carbon capture and storage “project” that most companies have actually backed out of because it’s NOT FEASIBLE despite the Alberta government’s earnestness at giving away $2 billion to work on it instead of emissions reductions. Oh, and healthcare reforms akin to the dissolution of public healthcare in this province.
35. Who did you miss?
My cousin, who was completing a bachelor’s degree in the States. A couple of friends who moved away.
36. Who were the best new people you met in 2009?
My summer work crew friends.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Honesty is the best policy; and the biggest part of honesty that EVERYONE needs to work on is being true to themselves.
Anyway, a list, 'cause I like lists. A list to recap 2009:
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Resigned from a job because of allergies, got dumped and wasn’t sad about it, acted as a witness for insurance purposes.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any resolutions last year. This year, I don’t really want to call them resolutions ‘cause those are made to be broken. I’m kind-of hoping to call them life goals since I want them (increased activity, healthier lifestyle) to last for much more than just one year, or 3 weeks or whatever it is...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don’t think so. 2009 was not a year of baby-birthing for my friends. 2010 will be, though.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
That was 2006, and enough people passed away that I’m hoping no one else needs to go for quite some time.
5. What countries did you visit?
Just the USA, and only for a week.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money saved up. A stable form of employment that lasts more than a few months... hey, maybe even one that extends beyond one fiscal year? Please? Space for myself.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The 30th of January – the day I submitted my thesis to the Faculty of Graduate Studies and Research, and therefore officially completed all obligations towards my MSc. (academic or otherwise). The 19th of September – my best friend’s wedding day.
8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
Defending my thesis and standing up for myself versus my supervisors at their discourteous worst. Landing contracts (twice) to work on federal research papers for national publication.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Underestimating myself and failing to sell my talents as a result.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Bronchitis, twice. And enough resulting bacterial infections from the way antibiotics mess up the entire body that I was essentially under the weather for about half the year.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A green purse and wallet, a solo train ticket to Vancouver and back, and a pass for the Folk Festival.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
One of my good friends who is going through a divorce.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My now ex, and another friend of mine who has since gotten married. Though they did not behave in appalling or depressing ways together, they both individually left me appalled and depressed.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Vacations and supporting me while unemployed.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Folkfest, which delivered, as always; seeing my cousin at Christmas, which turned into a dud ‘cause the USA wouldn’t let him leave; riding the train, which was wonderful, but maybe not worth all the hype.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I can’t think of anything.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder?: both
ii. thinner or fatter? Hmm... let’s see... I blame the sedentary office work and high-fat/sugar snacks and beverages I consumed. ... as well as my lack of willpower.
iii. richer or poorer? I am no better or worse off, financially, from where I was last January, oddly enough. (which is lame, I would have hoped that a year of working would leave me with a few pennies to my name instead of the sweet nothing I have)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Meeting new people. Organising my life. Applying for jobs. Saving money. Spending time with friends. Knitting.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Feeling guilty. Dwelling on things. Prolonging relationships that weren’t going to make it. Eating crap food. Getting sick.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family and friends, eating way too much and laughing a lot.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Nope.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
True Blood and Being Erica; I obsessed about the first, but found the second to be more rewarding to watch.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I try my best not to hate, but I do despise a number of politicians in ways I didn’t before.
24. What was the best book you read?
American Gods by Neil Gaiman, I’m pretty sure I read it in 2009. If not that, then one of the myriad Paulo Coelho books I read (like By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept).
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
2009 was the year of minimal music purchase. Folk Fest finds: Jill Barber, Slaid Cleaves, Arrested Development (seriously), Ben Sures, Fred Eaglesmith and Chuck Brodsky (listen to Letters in the Dirt – amazing).
26. What did you want and get?
Some really cool travel memories, a train ride through the rockies, a pair of Fluevog shoes, and some lovely new friends.
27. What did you want and not get?
A place of my own and the job to pay for it.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Up was fantastic, though Moon was so stark it’ll never escape my memory and The Brothers Bloom had plot twists and whimsy beyond expectation.
29. What did you do on your birthday?
I got my hair cut by my cousin’s girlfriend who shares my birthday and gave her flowers and earrings. For supper, I went to DaDeO, a local Cajun restaurant with my roomies and a couple friends... it was pretty low-key since I was still dealing with bronchitis.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A job I liked that lasted more than three months and paid well. ... or a relationship built on mutual respect, trust and understanding. Ta-da!
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Uh... finding clothes that accommodated my changing physique (from weight loss to gain to loss to gain to hopefully loss again) and that are colourful and slightly more, I dunno, respectable and formal than your average logo t-shirt.
32. What kept you sane?
My friends and family, the outdoors.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Halloo... John Morris, the curler, only in December, though. Earlier in the year, I’d have to say Gerard Butler, who was replaced by Vampire Bill from True Blood (though Stephen Moyer isn’t really what I’m looking for, somehow his vampire persona just, well, worked for me).
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Bloody stupid governmental inaction (and denial despite all the funding and research they give to climate change reduction initiatives) on climate change, and the related (and inane) carbon capture and storage “project” that most companies have actually backed out of because it’s NOT FEASIBLE despite the Alberta government’s earnestness at giving away $2 billion to work on it instead of emissions reductions. Oh, and healthcare reforms akin to the dissolution of public healthcare in this province.
35. Who did you miss?
My cousin, who was completing a bachelor’s degree in the States. A couple of friends who moved away.
36. Who were the best new people you met in 2009?
My summer work crew friends.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Honesty is the best policy; and the biggest part of honesty that EVERYONE needs to work on is being true to themselves.
07 January, 2010
Null?
What does one do when the assigned job is overly depressing? I am an environmentalist by nature (a tree hugger, an earth-lover, whatever you want to call it), and I have chosen to actually work in the area that my passion centers on: preservation and conservation. ... and the science behind all of this, of course ('cause there's nothing I am if not nerdy).
But this science/environmentalism passion often ends up leading me down dark and disappointing corridors. What do you do when Al Gore's extended PowerPoint presentation and chosen project collection (Climate Crisis) is old hat to you? What do you do when things like this movie Home make you feel like the world is starting to take notice but that it will all be too little too late? What do you do when something like this soon-to-be-shown-in-my-home-town movie Collapse feels more like the appropriate next step to take and that following Al Gore or the seemingly eloquent francophone Yann Arthus-Bertrand on their madcap fossil-fuel-guzzling international promo campaigns about climate change and human destruction of the planet? ... not that I'm necessarily ready to go all hermit-like and dig a foxhole of my own to avoid the impending market destruction Michael C. Ruppert is forecasting.
Ok, enough blather. My point is this: I am writing a report on the state of the environment (in all its many guises), and the resounding consensus I have gathered from the scientific literature and my peers is that our future is decidedly grim. Our wildlife, our natural ecosystems, our entire resource base is facing serious hardship in the near future. I'm skimming reports for other jurisdictions and coming up with the same general feeling. There is little hope when the status levels are "declining" or "undetermined" or "poor", trends are "?" or "-" and the stated confidence level is "ø". Seriously, " ø". Null?
I know, I should be glad that we are finally taking notice and that Canada is actually taking steps to recognise that there are problems with what it sees as the "True North Strong And Free" ... Because it is not so free any more, it is girded by industrial development, and stained with the disasters of past indiscretions. We can only move forward by acknowledging our failures and trying to remedy them before it is too late... and we have to hope that it is indeed, not too late. I still can't get over the null confidence though. There must be hope somewhere. Perhaps that will be my personal goal during this assignment: find the silver lining, the hope amid the looming shadow of failure and despair.
And hey, it says something that our own government is no longer muzzling people over the use of such sticky phrases as "cumulative effects" and "climate change". Progress is being made!
But this science/environmentalism passion often ends up leading me down dark and disappointing corridors. What do you do when Al Gore's extended PowerPoint presentation and chosen project collection (Climate Crisis) is old hat to you? What do you do when things like this movie Home make you feel like the world is starting to take notice but that it will all be too little too late? What do you do when something like this soon-to-be-shown-in-my-home-town movie Collapse feels more like the appropriate next step to take and that following Al Gore or the seemingly eloquent francophone Yann Arthus-Bertrand on their madcap fossil-fuel-guzzling international promo campaigns about climate change and human destruction of the planet? ... not that I'm necessarily ready to go all hermit-like and dig a foxhole of my own to avoid the impending market destruction Michael C. Ruppert is forecasting.
Ok, enough blather. My point is this: I am writing a report on the state of the environment (in all its many guises), and the resounding consensus I have gathered from the scientific literature and my peers is that our future is decidedly grim. Our wildlife, our natural ecosystems, our entire resource base is facing serious hardship in the near future. I'm skimming reports for other jurisdictions and coming up with the same general feeling. There is little hope when the status levels are "declining" or "undetermined" or "poor", trends are "?" or "-" and the stated confidence level is "ø". Seriously, " ø". Null?
I know, I should be glad that we are finally taking notice and that Canada is actually taking steps to recognise that there are problems with what it sees as the "True North Strong And Free" ... Because it is not so free any more, it is girded by industrial development, and stained with the disasters of past indiscretions. We can only move forward by acknowledging our failures and trying to remedy them before it is too late... and we have to hope that it is indeed, not too late. I still can't get over the null confidence though. There must be hope somewhere. Perhaps that will be my personal goal during this assignment: find the silver lining, the hope amid the looming shadow of failure and despair.
And hey, it says something that our own government is no longer muzzling people over the use of such sticky phrases as "cumulative effects" and "climate change". Progress is being made!
03 January, 2010
new beginnings
October to January is only four months, right? That beats 7! Maybe I can actually do this this year... or something more resembling a blog than a sporadic mind-dump.
2010... a year of potential and possibility... a year that's starting off just like grad school all over again. I am starting a new job right now (yes, it IS Sunday, but when your first deadline is the 10th and you have 30 pages of content to create, every day counts), and my new job has me working from home in my bedroom at the same desk I have been finishing my homework since I was in junior high school. The bedroom has changed, the furniture has not. I love this desk, but I don't like being an adult and working in my bedroom in the same general living configuration as being an adolescent in a family home.
There might be perks to working at home, but I assure you most of the people who espouse these perks are either living some alternate utopian lifestyle OR they have already made enough money (or their spouse/partner has) to allow them to not be share-renting a house with three other people and living such that the only available work space is the same room they sleep in. I have literally returned to my adolescence. What I wouldn't give for employment stability, steady income, respect and enough wage to afford rent in my own space, or at least a slightly less-shared space. If I could share this sort of space with two other people instead of three, or a smaller space with only one other person, I would have room to spread out, and we wouldn't all be bumping elbows.
Sunday work, although potentially joyfully productive, is mired in the difficulties of everyone staying at the house. Everyone staying at home means the couches, coffee and kitchen tables are NOT work spaces, and that there more than likely is some form of raucousness going on... which is not in itself a bad thing. But it is a completely other thing when attempts to work are interrupted by roommate mating habits. AND Sunday means that the best I can hope to achieve outside of the house is a bustling coffee shop; the libraries just aren't open, particularly immediately after the holidays. I'm not prepared for that just yet. My new laptop is still too new (protective plastic coating still on the external cover), I don't want to spill a latte on it (EVER!) and I just can't figure out the logistics of working on a paper, with supplementary resources all around me while working in a public space with small, cute, round cafe tables.
At this pace, I shall find myself back in the cavernous arts library at the University starting tomorrow. The heating works better, the hushed din of academic conspiracy drowns out random thought, and it is much easier to dive into productivity than it is in my bedroom with the stacks of laundry, unread books and dusty windowsill begging for a good cleaning. I still cannot understand how my motivation for completing this project on time (in addition to earning money) includes the perk of "I can clean once I'm finished!" Obviously I am desperate to do just about anything besides my work. ... like blogging.
Anyway, roommate resentment aside, I ought to get back to work. I just need to find myself some appropriate white noise with which to drown out the moans and giggles (yes, seriously). The work I am doing is really compelling. It's about all the things I like to discuss and learn about: ecosystems, wildlife, biodiversity, conservation, climate change, human development etc. ... and the potential impact of this particular document is much greater than anything else I have ever worked on or contributed to, even the godawful paper I've published in the Forestry Chronicle industry journal.
2010... a year of potential and possibility... a year that's starting off just like grad school all over again. I am starting a new job right now (yes, it IS Sunday, but when your first deadline is the 10th and you have 30 pages of content to create, every day counts), and my new job has me working from home in my bedroom at the same desk I have been finishing my homework since I was in junior high school. The bedroom has changed, the furniture has not. I love this desk, but I don't like being an adult and working in my bedroom in the same general living configuration as being an adolescent in a family home.
There might be perks to working at home, but I assure you most of the people who espouse these perks are either living some alternate utopian lifestyle OR they have already made enough money (or their spouse/partner has) to allow them to not be share-renting a house with three other people and living such that the only available work space is the same room they sleep in. I have literally returned to my adolescence. What I wouldn't give for employment stability, steady income, respect and enough wage to afford rent in my own space, or at least a slightly less-shared space. If I could share this sort of space with two other people instead of three, or a smaller space with only one other person, I would have room to spread out, and we wouldn't all be bumping elbows.
Sunday work, although potentially joyfully productive, is mired in the difficulties of everyone staying at the house. Everyone staying at home means the couches, coffee and kitchen tables are NOT work spaces, and that there more than likely is some form of raucousness going on... which is not in itself a bad thing. But it is a completely other thing when attempts to work are interrupted by roommate mating habits. AND Sunday means that the best I can hope to achieve outside of the house is a bustling coffee shop; the libraries just aren't open, particularly immediately after the holidays. I'm not prepared for that just yet. My new laptop is still too new (protective plastic coating still on the external cover), I don't want to spill a latte on it (EVER!) and I just can't figure out the logistics of working on a paper, with supplementary resources all around me while working in a public space with small, cute, round cafe tables.
At this pace, I shall find myself back in the cavernous arts library at the University starting tomorrow. The heating works better, the hushed din of academic conspiracy drowns out random thought, and it is much easier to dive into productivity than it is in my bedroom with the stacks of laundry, unread books and dusty windowsill begging for a good cleaning. I still cannot understand how my motivation for completing this project on time (in addition to earning money) includes the perk of "I can clean once I'm finished!" Obviously I am desperate to do just about anything besides my work. ... like blogging.
Anyway, roommate resentment aside, I ought to get back to work. I just need to find myself some appropriate white noise with which to drown out the moans and giggles (yes, seriously). The work I am doing is really compelling. It's about all the things I like to discuss and learn about: ecosystems, wildlife, biodiversity, conservation, climate change, human development etc. ... and the potential impact of this particular document is much greater than anything else I have ever worked on or contributed to, even the godawful paper I've published in the Forestry Chronicle industry journal.
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